I am Strong

I am strong, Hear me roar! I don't need any fucking man telling me what to do or what he wants. It's called self respect.

I will stand on my own two feet and ignore the desire to call you to hear the sound of your voice. I will bask in the joy of knowing that I am in great shape and have a nice ass. Enough to make some bodybuilders take notice :)

You on the other hand are nothing but a fat carpenter. You are very sweet and an incessant flirt but none the less a fat carpenter. Your body leaves much to be desired. Looking back I cannot believe that I have been fucking a fat man! You used to make up for it in other ways but now you just assume that I am available whenever you feel the desire and that is obviously not the case. I cannot believe that you can attract women given your physique but hey, it seemed to work on me so I guess it would work on others.

I dare you to go and try finding someone prettier, sexier, hornier and in better shape than me. I dare you to try and find all of those and who makes a six figure salary. Oh and can keep a secret til death.

I always think of it this way. If a person died how much would I miss them and is it worth it for me to be mad at them when they leave the house, just in case something happened.

I livelife with no regrets... I do not regret falling for you or becoming intimately involved with you. As a matter of fact, I am glad I did those things. What I do regret is feeling like a wallflower girl waiting to be asked to dance. Every day waiting for the phone to ring to confirm you desire to be with me or even just friend chat with me. I regret that I get stupid enough to feel like the poor high school girl waiting for the popular boy to take notice of her. And when he does, she is thrilled to death, dotes on him only to have him use her to carry his books, do his homework, run errands and hang out with her only when the other cool kids are not around. Because heaven forbid someone see them together! Oh mortification.

We have all done that to someone or another at some point. Our social hierarchy is such that we always want acceptance and think that the epopular crown offers us that. How wrong we are! We can blame it on our yound when we are younger but what's the excuse as we get older?

ROAR!!!!

Letter # 7

Dear T-
There are times when I wonder whether I am the stupidest girl in the whole wide world. I ponder about us relentlessly...sometimes just as friends and other times as lovers.

I would love to have a friend relationship with you where we could flirt with one another like we always did and you would not hold back like you had somethingto hide. I know that is impossible because I know how tough it is to seem like you are friends when the thoughts running through your head is that I'd like to f*** you.

I am in a jealously stage now and can't stop thinking about you and E. When we met at your Xmas party, she talked about how much her son wishes to grow up like you. That made me sick to my stomach. I realized that you must know her very well. I don't know whether you visit her when her husband S is around or not. One time when you were talking to me you said you were at a friends house on the Sawyer Rd but never said who it was, then your truck passed mine. Of course after meeting E, I know it was her house but it still surprises me that you felt the need to hide this from me. It is times like that that make me wonder if I a just being used or whether you truly have some deep emotion for me. I hope it is the latter and that you don't want me to be jealous and therefore keep this info from me. I hope it is because you are used to keeping info from your wife H and automatically do it.

But the old expression rings clear in my head-once a cheater, always a cheater. What makes me think that you are not hooking up with someone else? and that I am now in the same position H is in.

Seriously, if I was her I would have put a GPS vehicle tracker on you long ago.

You are an absolutely sweet person who gets taken advantage of often. Part of it is your fault because you let this happen and have a hard time saying no to people but sometimes you get yourself into messes.

Here's what I would love to say to you... You are my favorite friend for many reasons but some days I could just kick myself. I'm afraid that one day you are going to do something to hurt me very badly. Then I will feel very stupid, ashamed, used, and will probably sink into a deep depression for having been so f***ing stupid.

What am I looking for? I really don't know. I guess part of it is the newness of it all. A big part is because I've only ever had sexual experience with 2 other people - only 1 of which I had sex with, the other I just fooled around with. So, I guess part of it is me wishing that I had broadened my sexual experience before meeting my husband.

Truthfully, he is not very good in bed. I am the only person he has ever slept with so he has no experience. My husband was the first person I ever had sex with. So how can I tell him when we are having sex that I don't like having sex with him or that I wish he would do the things to me that you do. You make my desire flutter. I don't think you can say my heart because even though I love you, I am not in love with you. I would never marry you because you keep too many secrets.