I am a big chicken. I know I am. I am scared to death that I am going to lay myself right out there in public, feelings and all, only to be trampled because you don't feel the same way. I really thought I did love you and I still do but with a big hesitation in my heart.
The day that I overheard the 3way call felt like it stuck a knife in my throat and my heart. My hands were trembling and shaking and the more I realized that you were not talking to me, the more I wanted to just crawl up into a hole and die. There are no words to describe the utter embarrasment I felt of sending you all those wonderful text messages that would get me all warm and fuzzy, only to have you ignore me and turn around and tell your wife the same words that I had been longing to hear for weeks. I turned my embarassment into anger, angry that I was stupid enough to allow myself to be duped. I still have not heard any of those words and it just seems like I am constantly trying to help you instead of you helping me every once in a while.
I wish I could learn to just ignore it and pretend nothing has ever happened to us and that we are just friends and have always been but I can't.
